“That man, that young man — I forgive him.”

Erika Kirk softly spoke those words about the gunman accused of assassinating her husband, conservative activist Charlie Kirk, as she struggled to hold back tears last month during his memorial service.

Her public declaration inspired another. Hollywood actor Tim Allen said he was so moved by her words that he was forgiving the drunken driver who caused his father’s death 60 years ago. Barely two weeks after Charlie Kirk’s death, members of a Michigan congregation made public that they too were forgiving a gunman, the one who had just attacked their church, killing four people and injuring eight others.

Their high-profile acts of forgiveness are all the more remarkable given the politically charged and highly polarizing climate gripping the U.S. It has pushed people of faith to contemplate what forgiveness means, particularly in the face of violence, trauma and unspeakable grief, and whether it could shift public consciousness toward compassion.

While some see a glimmer of hope in this moment, others are skeptical. Miroslav Volf, professor of theology at Yale Divinity School, said he views President Donald Trump’s response to Erika Kirk’s words — that he hates his opponents — as the more typical sentiment.

“Erika Kirk’s gesture is the outlier,” he said. “It was an extraordinary act of courage. But it was also telling that (Trump’s) response got the bigger reaction from the crowd at the memorial. You have to wonder about these two very different responses. How do we find space for grace when we are so at odds that we cannot recognize humanity on the other side of the divide?”

Forgiveness, a mandate for Christians

California pastor Jack Hibbs, who leads Calvary Chapel Chino Hills and is a friend of the Kirks, called her words an “incredibly powerful” message of hope for the shooter, and in keeping with the family’s deep commitment to the Gospel, which commands Christians to forgive even their enemies.

“The Bible warns us that bitterness, when left alone, can grow up in and destroy your heart,” Hibbs said. “So forgiveness was given to us by God to set us free from what’s been done to us.”

The Rev. Thomas Berg, visiting professor at the McGrath Institute for Church Life at the University of Notre Dame, said he hopes Erika Kirk’s gesture “ignites some kind of meaningful national conversation about forgiveness.”

He said forgiveness is not a one-time event, but a process that takes time and work. Berg, who counsels victims of sex abuse in the Catholic Church, warns that it should never be coerced but authentically given — an act that he says has the power to heal the deepest wounds.

He would like to see more public expressions of forgiveness, which could serve as a balm for the country.

“I hope this is not a passing moment,” he said. “The dynamic of forgiveness throws a wrench into the dysfunction of our partisan divides and our inability to have a reasonable exchange of ideas.”

Dave Butler, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and science fiction writer based in Utah, believes forgiveness is a mandate for all Christians, as his church teaches. He started a crowdfunding initiative for the family of the Michigan shooter who opened fire on the Latter-day Saints congregation, which as of this week, had raised a little over $388,000.

Butler said he started it because — in addition to the grieving church members who had lost loved ones in this mass shooting — there was the family of the gunman that was also traumatized.

“They also did not choose this,” he said. “Nevertheless, they are now short a husband and a father. If we’re not really thoughtful, we might be inclined to see them more as antagonists rather than victims. More than 10,000 people have contributed and they understand what they’re doing is an act of forgiveness.”

Forgiveness from the perspective of Anabaptists

An often-cited modern example of forgiveness is the response of the Amish community around Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania, after a gunman killed five Amish schoolgirls and wounded five more in 2006 before taking his own life. Local Amish immediately expressed forgiveness for the killer and supported his widow.

Amish are part of the wider Anabaptist movement, which puts heavy emphasis on Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, containing some of his most radical and counter-cultural sayings — to love enemies, live simply, bless persecutors, turn the other cheek and to endure sufferings joyfully. In it, Jesus says God will only forgive those who forgive others.

While many outside the Anabaptists’ world have endorsed their beliefs about forgiveness — which they also voiced for Haitian kidnappers of Anabaptist missionaries in 2021 — others say the picture is more complex. Advocates for victims of sexual abuse in Anabaptist communities say victims and their families are often forced to reconcile with abusers after the latter make a confession and undergo a brief period of discipline.

A complicated journey for trauma survivors

The Jewish perspective on forgiveness is different in that it requires the perpetrator to seek forgiveness from the person who has been wronged, said Rabbi Jeffrey Myers. He heads Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh where 11 people from three congregations were killed after a gunman attacked it during Shabbat services on Oct. 27, 2018.

“For me, it’s complicated because there are 11 dead people who cannot be sought for forgiveness,” Myers said, adding that he cannot offer forgiveness because the perpetrator — who faces execution — did not show remorse.

“While the perpetrator has received a measure of justice as outlined by the judicial process, it didn’t give me closure because those 11 people are gone,” Myers said. “There is nothing that makes that pain go away.”

What gives him some comfort is being able to help other congregations that are going through similar trauma. Myers said he was grateful to have received that support from the Rev. Eric Manning, pastor of Mother Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina, a historically Black church where a self-proclaimed white supremacist shot and killed nine congregants on June 17, 2015 — including the church’s pastor at the time.

“Today, as someone who belongs to that club no one should belong to, I view it as my sacred obligation to help,” Myers said. “Even if I can help one person, that’s gratifying, that feels healing.”

Peg Durachko, whose husband Dr. Richard Gottfried, a dentist, was one of the victims in the synagogue shooting, said that as a Catholic, she looked to Pope John Paul II for inspiration as she read about how he visited the imprisoned man who shot him and offered forgiveness.

“I recognize (the gunman) as a child of God who made bad choices to lead him in that direction,” she said. “I’m not his judge, God is. I want him to have eternal life. I don’t harbor hate or ill wishes to anyone, including him. I don’t want to carry this baggage of hate.

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The father searched all of Spain for his son but to no avail. Finally, reaching Madrid, the father placed an ad in the local newspaper. The ad read: “Paco, meet me at the Hotel Montana – noon Tuesday. All is forgiven. ~ Papa.”

The hurting father prayed that his son would see the ad and then just maybe he would come to the Hotel Montana for reconciliation. So – on Tuesday, at noon, the father arrived at the hotel, and when he did, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

Police officers had been called out in an attempt to keep order among eight hundred boys – all named Paco. Each one had come to meet their father and find forgiveness in front of the Hotel Montana.

Think about it – eight hundred boys named Paco had read the ad in the newspaper and had hoped it was for them. Eight hundred Paco’s had come to receive the forgiveness they so desperately desired.

Sound familiar? Think ‘Prodigal Son’ in the Bible. Such a familiar story – a young son took his inheritance ahead of his father’s death and left home for the high life. He squandered his money in wild living and, long story shortened, ended up feeding swine. Dirty, hungry, and miserable, he finally ‘came to his senses.’ He knew his father’s hired men were a thousand percent better off than he was so he headed for home thinking of begging for forgiveness and getting a job as one of his father’s well cared for servants.

The Bible tells us that while the son was still a long way off his father saw him, gathered up his robe and ran to his son, embracing him. The totally fascinating thing about this story is that in Middle Eastern culture, running like this was considered shameful.

For an honorable man to pull up his robes and run down the road would be similar in our day to a dad running down Main Street in his boxers. Picture this early morning scenario: people are out on house porches, drinking their morning coffee, and now they’re watching quite a spectacle as their neighbor madly runs down the street in his undies! It just doesn’t happen!!

And, we tend to think of a very private father-son reunion, but not so. The village would have known and they would have kept watch to see the son return – as sooner or later he would – as a beggar. The boy would have been taunted, physically abused, possibly even lynched, as he tried to re-enter the town. The people would have had nothing but disgust for a son bringing such shame on his family.

But this father loved his son and seeing him – forgave him. He called for the best robe in the house – which would have belonged to the father himself. He gave him a ring which would have been the family signet ring – a symbol of the son’s reinstatement to sonship in the wealthy household. And finally, slaves did not wear sandals – they went barefoot. So, the father, in putting sandals on his son’s feet, is

saying that he will take him back – not as a servant – but only as a son. It’s an amazing story for sure!

The son left because he wanted the material benefits of sonship, but without the obligations and responsibilities of relationship. Unfortunately, that’s often the world’s attitude toward God. People want all of God’s blessings but they don’t want a true relationship. Someone once wisely declared: “Treasure your relationships, not your possessions.” That applies to our friends & family as well as to our Creator!

That famous ‘philosopher’, Bob Marley, once made this profound remark: “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” The other truth is that this is exactly what Jesus did for us! He was betrayed and died a horrific death on the cross for our sins. Apparently He thought we were worth suffering for! Selah!

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Not long ago there was another violent ‘club’ attack where a woman was brutally attacked, beaten and robed. Watching the news coverage, I noticed something interesting. One of the teens attacking the woman had on a T-shirt with ANTI-SOCIAL SOCIAL CLUB written in large block letters on it. Lights immediately went on inside my head. Aha – no wonder people are savaging cities, causing mayhem & violence.

They are anti-people! they are in opposition to our lawful social order. It’s not rocket science!!

Remember that old 60’s Beatles song, “All You Need is Love?” That’s true – the challenge is to love as Christ loved and to share his message of forgiveness. But the world hates that message. Many even object to Christian groups distributing food with these tidings to foreign countries because they see Christians as intolerant. They don’t like the message of Jesus that teaches there’s no other way to be saved. Telling truth can be difficult!

Yes -it’s challenging in these times to show Christian love that points to Jesus. And yes, it’s hard to love our enemies. Truth is, it’s impossible without the love of God. But as I John 4 tells us, “We love because He first loved us.” It’s as simple as that.

There’s a story told from World War II of Japanese captors who were forcing Scottish soldiers to labor on a jungle railroad, Times were miserable and the crushed Scottish soldiers had degenerated to barbarous behavior against each other. But one afternoon something profound happened: a shovel was missing.

The officer in charge became enraged and demanded he missing shovel be produced or else. When nobody in the squadron budged, the officer got his gun and threatened to kill them all on the spot. It was obvious the officer meant business.

Then one man stepped forward The officer put away his gun, picked up a shuffle and beat the man to death. When it was over, the survivors picked up the bloody corpse and carried it with them to the second tool check This time though, no shovel was missing. There had been a miscount at the first checkpoint.

Word spread like wildfire through the entire camp – an innocent man had been willing to die to save the others. The incident had a profound effect on the men. They began to treat each other like brothers. When the victorious Allies swept in, the survivors – now human skeletons – lined up in front of their captors. But instead of attacking them, they insisted: “No more hatred. No more killing. What we need now is forgiveness.”

We have many troublesome days ahead of us. Even as we talk to people we can sense uneasiness in their voices. Most people are like a ‘gun-shy animal’ – they jump

at the slightest sound, at the first words from the news media. And depending on where they live, they live in fear their family could be victims of the next tragedy.

I love the story of the church secretary who always answered the phone, “Jesus loves you, Sharon speaking. How may i help you?” One day she was super busy when the phone rang. “Sharon loves you, Jesus speaking. How may I help you?” There was a long pause before the caller replied, “Somehow I thought your voice would sound different.”

As Christ-followers that’s us! We are all Ambassadors for Christ, we represent Him, and love is our weapon! So — just a thought – new T-shirt: PRO-SOCIAL SOCIAL CLUB! Come on – we can do this!

Bob and Susan Beckett pastor The Dwelling Place City Church at 27100 Girard Street in Hemet, CA. For more information, you may contact them at DPcitychurch.org

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