On the drive down we listened to “Oldies but Goodies” on the radio, singing along to just about every song. Guess that makes us one of the “oldies!” A song came along that I hadn’t heard in ages sung by Barry McGuire – Eve of Destruction. The song was written in 1965 and recorded in just one take on a Tuesday morning with McGuire reading lyrics scrawled on a crumpled piece of paper.

   I thought as we drove that there’s just something a bit bizarre about listening to a song about our world blowing up at any moment but here we are – almost 60 years later – attending a wedding with grandchildren and great’s – like…we’re still here!! But the song was extremely popular and reached number one on the US singles chart, even as it sparked plenty of political commentary with its provocative lyrics! Why?

   Mainly because so many people believed it – and – people revel in being scared. It’s strange! Fear!! It catches peoples’ attention quite like nothing else. Think about it – our society traffics in fear. Amusement parks try their hardest to scare the puddin’ out of people with monster rides while our culture laces itself with health fears, political fears, and fears from war & violence.

   People intentionally read fear-based novels and watch movies that frighten the daylights out of them. Our internet lists over 550 different types of phobias (extreme fear) with dogs, heights, spiders, water, flying, bees, bats, darkness & dust topping the list. Fear seems to permeate our entire culture today!

   But thankfully, the Bible takes a different view of fear. The two-word phrase “fear not” appears 61 times in the Bible and phrases like “fear ye not” appear another 31 times. The Bible tells us that one day “men’s hearts will fail them for fear.” Things are going to get dicey, but God will prevail — so, fear not!

   Isaiah 43 clinches it all with this: “Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end – because I am God, your personal God, your Savior.” God has promised to meet you just where you are and at whatever fear level you’re experiencing at any given time! That is amazing!

   This is completely opposite of what the world feeds us. In 1947, the “Doomsday Clock” was adopted by atomic scientists to show how close we are to global annihilation. Back then the clock was set at 7 minutes to midnight. The clock is now set at just 90 seconds. Definitely not moving in the right direction, but here’s THE question: who’s your 911? Who’s your “go-to” when fear attempts to overtake you? A ‘shrink?’ Food? A friend? Or God? As usual, we all have a choice. 

   Trying to wrap this up on a positive note, I’m sure all you parents know it’s scary 

being a parent. We can fear for our children and for good reason – kids are unpredictable, schools are challenging, and our culture can capture our children at younger & younger ages. But here are some whacky things parens have learned while maneuvering their way through the ‘scary’ maze of childhood ~

   ~ A king-sized waterbed holds enough water to fill the entire bedroom 3 inches deep. ~ If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. ~ A 3 year-olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. ~ Super glue is forever. ~ Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. ~ Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. ~The fire department in Austin, TX has as 5-minute response time. OMG to all of the above.

   But – here’s the bottom line: Life is a grand adventure. Life is good. Life is challenging. Life takes courage to navigate. So, why not let God be your 911?!

Bob and Susan Beckett pastor The Dwelling Place City Church at 27100 Girard Street in Hemet, CA. For more information, you may contact them at DPCitychurch.org

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Every day the word “family” comes up in some conversations. What does it mean? There are more versions of “family” than you might think. A family of penguins or a family of writers, ad infinitem. We speak of every clannish thing as “family.”

Of common reference is our personal family. In person, it gets sticky. There is the family of heritage, meaning our parents, siblings and ancestors. But as we start to grow up, if there is divorce and remarriage, we take on more family known as “in-laws.” That can mean several things. When we get married, that is one set of in-laws and then when our children marry, we get another set of in-laws. We say we are related through marriage. How about adoptions, another addition to the family? Remember the song, ‘We are family.’

There is another form of family that has more meaning sometimes than the family we are born into. Friends. The major difference between the two is that we by birth, are related to the one form and have no choice in the matter. It is what it is. Sometimes good, sometimes mediocre and at other times simply selfish and self-serving.

So which is which and which is not? Over the span of a lifetime, from childhood into old age, we accumulate friends. Whereas your natural family can abandon you for many reasons. See how unattached to you they are when there is a divorce or death – both involve money matters in which self-interest can supersede all duty to family. Ask any lawyer how it works when the Will or Trust is read. That’s when the family relationship can come unglued. “Mom told me she left me this in her Will, so how come you got it? Are you sure the Will is not a fake?” You might be shocked to know just how many Wills and Trusts are contested because an heir was left out or didn’t feel it was fairly written.

That is why we have no choice in ancestry but our friends are often more family to us than genetics. All the way back to the Bible, it has been brother against brother and child against parent. Often for no reason at all. Family betrayal is the unkindest cut of all.

As said above, we choose our friends. We have the opportunity to find common interests and comradery. It is similar to how we find our mates. Love at first sight, is a rare gem. We date, often over a long period of time, getting to know each other. We all prefer to shop for our own wardrobe because we know our own tastes. A friend is the most valuable family you can have. A friend can criticize you for your errant ways and you will accept it. When a natural family tries that, resentments smother the relationship.

A family of friends, wisely chosen, will be there for you. So choose wisely and treasure them as you would a precious gem. Remember when the word family comes into your conversations, it may not be what you think. Just sayin’.

rustystrait@gmail.com

• DISCLAIMER: The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the various author’s articles on this Opinion piece or elsewhere online or in the newspaper where we have articles with the header “COLUMN/EDITORIAL & OPINION” do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints or official policies of the Publisher, Editor, Reporters or anybody else in the Staff of the Hemet and San Jacinto Chronicle Newspaper.

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Staying at home and practicing social distancing can feel more challenging as the weather warms and the itch for family fun at the beach becomes stronger. However, being socially responsible does not mean you need to put the fun on hold. Consider these ideas from the experts at Intex to create a fun and safe backyard beach day of your own:

• Create a “View”: Recreate the feeling of being at the beach by designing your own tropical “view.” With a couple of inflatable palm trees and some umbrellas, you can feel like you’re on a tropical vacation. All that’s left is to lay out some beach towels and break out the SPF.

• Play Games: No beach day is complete without your favorite beach games. Keep it casual with Frisbee and paddle ball or set up a volleyball net for a little bit of family competition.

• Cool Off: You don’t need the lake or ocean to enjoy hours in the water. With a pool, you can keep the family busy all day long right in your own backyard. The Ultra XTR Rectangular Above Ground Frame Swimming Pool from Intex has an easy set-up and sizes to fit almost any backyard. Along with its selection of pools, the brand also offers play centers, including the Rainbow Ring Play Center with waterslide, wading pool, water sprayer and ring toss game.

• Get Comfortable: With a unique style for everyone in the family, inflatable floats can transform your backyard into a vacation getaway. The Intex Palm Leaf and Pink Seashell designs can help you extend the tropical feel of your staycation and provide some fun options for the family. For those who like to enjoy a nice cold drink, be sure your lounger includes a cup holder.

• Fire Up the Grill: Fire up the grill for a cookout or make a picnic style lunch with sandwiches and snacks. Either way, you’ll be recreating delicious beach fare.

• Crank Up the Tunes: Make a relaxing beach playlist, grab the speakers and crank up the tunes.

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Christmas; the joy of giving families and holiday spirit: lots of food and cheer.

Then reality hits; over-spending, returned items and in 24 hours, back to the way it was before: bills, jobs, family…. and, well…life happens.

What if we changed our thinking and looked for the good in others all year long? Hold on to that spirit of joy. Choose to see the good in their lives, draw out the spirit of joy and caring.

We can’t heal our community by continually affirming that some people are miserable, unlucky or doomed or corrupt. We heal by seeking the good in people, all people.

This time of year many of us give money to charities…we give warm clothes, we give food, toys for the children and so on, we do it now, because the holiday spirits moves us.

How about doing this all year long? How about meeting people where they are, knowing that everyone has a story?  Be kind. Help when you can, knowing some have lost a job, some have many jobs, working and over-working just to pay for the essentials: some just don’t know how to ask for help. Some have no one and are all alone. Pause for a minute and count your blessings. We all have something for which we can be thankful.  If you are breathing and alive, you are blessed.

Take time during this holiday season to remember the people who have to work while you’re home relaxing.  Remember the people protecting our streets, those who work 24/7 at Hemet Hospital.

Be grateful for these efforts, and be thankful for today. And after the holidays have gone and you are back to reality and 2020 is in full swing…be the change, be kind, do what you can, when you can. Perhaps The Beatles were right when they sang, ”All you need is Love, Love. love is all you need.” Let’s make 2020 the best year yet!  To a great year to come!

Much love to our community and friends….and most especially, to our veterans!

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NAMI graduates another Family-to-Family class, one of whom we spotlight

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has graduated another Family-to-Family class of loving care-givers.  

The NAMI Family-to-Family class is a free, 12-session educational program for family, significant others and friends of people with mental health conditions. It is a designated as an “Evidence-based program,” meaning that research shows that the program significantly improves the coping and problem-solving abilities of the people closest to a person with a mental health condition.

NAMI Family-to-Family is taught by NAMI-trained family members who have “been there,” and includes presentations, discussions and interactive exercises.  One of those trainers in NAMI Hemet-San Jacinto Executive Director, Brenda Scott.  “The NAMI family education course is a valuable tool for family members. This class supports families in a way that allows them to understand what their relative is going through and to be there in the best possible way for their family members. This class has been a life-changing experience for family members who have a relative with a mental health condition,” said Scott.

NAMI Family-to-Family not only provides information and strategies for taking care of the family member, but students also find out that they’re not alone…that recovery is a journey, and there is hope.

(Caring about people)

The group setting of a NAMI Family-to-Family course provides mutual support and shared positive impact—experiences, compassion and reinforcement from people who understand a student’s situation. Sharing personal experiences help others in the class. In the program, students learn about:

• How to solve problems and communicate effectively
• Taking care of themselves and managing their stress
• Supporting loved ones with compassion
• Finding and using local supports and services
• Up-to-date information on mental health conditions and how they affect the brain
• How to handle a crisis
• Current treatments and therapies, and
• The impact of mental health conditions on the entire family

We asked Family-to-Family course graduate Martina Keneally about her experience.  “I learned so much from this class.  I learned that the illness is not the person; I learned to be patient with a family member who has mental illness issues, and I learned about the different mental illnesses and how they work with the body and how everything is intertwined. I learned about taking personal responsibility and not enabling the person who has mental illness.  I now feel personally…useful.  The self-care skills are so important because we care so much for others that we sometimes forget about ourselves, so it was a great class,” said Keneally.

Keneally has also learned from experience: a sexual abuse survivor, Keneally works with the Center Against Sexual Abuse (CASA) as well as taking classes at NAMI.  “I share my story now, to empower others.  I am a sexual abuse survivor, and I work with CASA as an advocate.  I can tell you from my past abuse and my life history that working with CASA and doing this kind of work is a calling.” Some would say that it’s a calling of the highest order, but Keneally sees it as her mission.  “I am an Advocate at CASA, so I do many crisis interventions, working closely with the police.  I had to be trained to do that kind of work, and so this NAMI class will help further my career.”  Keneally is working towards the day when she can become a certified Human Trafficking Caseworker with CASA, and she knows these NAMI courses will help further that career.  “We learned so much in this class that I want to take the second class as well, so that I can truly retain the information.”

NAMI invites any interested parties to come visit them at their 38th Annual Christmas Party, December 18 from 11am to 1:30 at the Hemet United Methodist Church, 520 Buena Vista Street.  Those interested can call 951 765-1850 or visit https://namichristmas2019.eventbrite.com

For further information on NAMI, to donate or take courses, please visit https://namimtsanjacinto.org/

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For most of us, the holiday season is a time for reunions with family and friends in which we express an appreciation for all our blessings; good health, family unity, a roof over our heads, food on the table, and a job that allows us to enjoy a dignified and respectable life.

Even though we tend to take it for granted, we give thanks for our good health, without which, the quality of our lives would be greatly diminished.  Poor health is the single-most important factor that deters us from attaining peace of mind and happiness.

When we look around us and observe dysfunctional families, we give thanks for being a part of a traditional family unit in which mother, father and children play their long established and accepted roles in society.  In today’s particularly challenging societal culture, we give special thanks to a mother and father who manage to bring-up their offspring to be good and productive citizens, while looking after their elders when needed, while willing to sacrifice their own comfort and desires in the process.

Having a solid and permanent roof over our heads is another major reason for giving thanks. We need to be reminded of the thousands of families and individuals who can’t claim this basic benefit, who sleep in shelters, in the best of circumstances, or live in dangerous circumstances on the streets of our cities. We also need to give thanks for all the good people who volunteer their time and talent to mitigate this painful social affliction.

Food in sufficient quantities everyday on the dinner table, three times a day, affectionately prepared in our homes for our enjoyment and nourishment, is also presumed as a given. As we all need to be aware, too many families and individuals cannot claim this essential benefit and are forced to resort to food pantries.

Having a good and secure job is something for which we should be especially thankful.

Hopefully this holiday season, we can try to walk in the shoes of those less fortunate; understand their condition, and do what is in our power to alleviate their plight: we can then sincerely give thanks for all our blessings.

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While you can’t choose your family, you can choose how close you live to them. A new survey suggests some healthy boundaries between parents and in-laws make for a happier family relationship — something to keep in mind when shopping for a home. 

Fifty-seven percent of respondents in the survey from Ally Home, the direct-to-consumer mortgage arm of Ally Bank, say there should be at least some driving distance between where their parents and/or in-laws live and where they live. An even greater percentage of gen Z respondents (63 percent) — and millennials (62 percent) — felt some distance was important.

“We’re deep into the home buying season, and we’re seeing first-hand how excited consumers are to find and then be able to afford the home of their dreams,” says Glenn Brunker, mortgage executive with Ally Home. “But as Ally Home goes through that home-buying journey with them, it’s clear that there’s more than just the house and yard that go into making a home the right fit. Buyers are thinking through things like the neighborhood, school system, access to good hospitals, and yes, just how near or far they prefer to be to family.”

Other survey findings included:

• Call First Before Popping In: Thirty-seven percent of respondents agree family should not live close enough to just pop in and say hi. An even greater percentage of millennials — 42 percent don’t like the idea of the unannounced pop-in.

• Adults Need Their Own Space: Almost two-thirds of Americans say that while they love their adult children, they don’t want them living with them. Millennials don’t like how things are trending, either. They worry more than any other age group that at some point they will have their adult children, their parents or in-laws living with them.

• Proximity is a Top Stressor: The survey also presented respondents with a number of stress points and asked which ones ranked top when dealing with family. Thirty-eight percent of respondents named “living within five minutes of parents or in-laws” as their top stressor, out-ranking “cooking a complicated meal for a mother or mother-in-law” and “hosting family for the holidays.”

“Much of a person’s preference regarding location has to do with cultural norms, since extended families living together or nearby one another is common in certain cultures. But more often, having some physical distance between family can help create a healthy boundary. Ultimately, it’s up to family members to be open and honest about their own boundaries and what makes them most comfortable,” says William X. Kelly, a marriage and family therapist.

A good choice for a home is one that makes you happy. When shopping for a home, don’t forget to take the family factor into consideration.

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The special people are usually grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and friends whom the students hold close to their hearts. The children have an option of bringing a picnic lunch for themselves and their guests, or purchase some burgers or hot dog combo plates prepared at the event. The eighth-grade class prepares these lunches as a fundraiser for their graduation.

All throughout the afternoon, guests could purchase raffle tickets for various raffle prizes. Most were donated by our wonderful sponsors including Sea World, Palm Springs Aerial Tramway, In-N-Out Burger, and Target.

Each grade also comes up with a class project. Different art pieces created by the students are assembled into art projects that are also raffled off.

A special dance presentation is given by our very own Ballet Folklorico Dance Group, led by the group’s Director, Maria Aguilera and her husband Daniel.

The Ballet Folklorico Mexican Dance Group, led by their Director Maria Aguilera, demonstrated folk dances that originated in various regions in Mexico. Aguilera said, “The St Hyacinth Academy Ballet Folklorico Mexican dance group has been a part of the school for over 13 years. They perform dances from the State of Jalisco and Veracruz, Mexico. The dance group has performed throughout the valley at various events, as well as in the outer cities. The two most distinguished events are the Hemet Christmas parades and pre show entertainment, and at the Ramona Play, which is the longest outdoor running play in California.”

Overall, our celebration of Special Person’s Day on May 3rd, 2019 is one that has brought our whole little church community together…breaking bread, sharing laughter, and conversations that go beyond just the classrooms. It is a time when the children feel as a special part of a bigger family that cares for and loves them … the same family that wants them to be the best version of themselves.

St. Hyacinth Academy opened their doors to the community in the fall of 1946. It is located at 275 S. Victoria Ave., San Jacinto CA 92583. Tel: (951) 654-2013. Web: www.SHAEagles.org. Come check out the only Catholic school in the valley where faith, academics, and service are at the heart of the formation of the children.

Grace Lacsamana is Principal of St. Hyacinth Academy co-located with St. Anthony Catholic Church in San Jacinto. Reach her at: glacsamana@sbdiocese.org.

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