Some of you may already know that I sometimes like to punish myself, probably to atone for past mistakes, and in an incredible feat of self-abasement, I enjoy being a substitute teacher. A substitute teacher is basically a punching bag for the students when the real teacher is away for personal or official reasons. I am essentially a chew toy for the students to belittle and humiliate, especially when I substitute for a middle school class. Oh, the horror!
One good thing about my assignments is that I get to see different schools in our local districts from the inside. I know I’m not supposed to reveal their secrets; that’s the first part of my contract with them. But, due to President Trump outing our schools for their heinous acts, I feel compelled to confirm that I’ve seen with my very own eyes, to my extreme dismay, the presence of operating rooms in all the schools.
There is a very inconspicuous door, just around the corner in every school cafeteria, which leads students down a corridor right into a room full of overhead lights, an operating table, an anesthesia cart, a table full of surgical instruments, an oxygen tank, and additional tanks for some mysterious gases. There’s also a huge closet full of clothes of all sizes, for both boys and girls.
You could say that I’ve acted as a spy for Trump, and I’ve seen for myself how school kids are being led to that room by school officials, only to emerge as the opposite sex. Trump is right. It’s true that kids go to school as one gender, the school performs a gender-affirming surgery without the parents’ knowledge or consent, and then the kids go home as another gender. You should see the confused looks on the parents’ faces. In the morning, they say to their son, “Jimmy, I love you so much, go have a good day at school,” only to find out in the afternoon that Jimmy is now Janine.
Now, I hope you all know I’m just being facetious. There are no special operating rooms in schools. You need surgeons, doctors, nurses, and the rest to “operate” an operating room. Trump is full of [S-word], mocking us, his loyal supporters, making goofy sounds and weird faces when he lies about something so absurd anyone can see through it. That’s the problem, though: not everyone sees through it. There are people who actually believe him.
Our schools exist to educate our kids. There are laws to protect them and the rights of their parents. We don’t live in Nazi Germany—though maybe we would if Trump had his way—where people were treated horribly. We live in California, where individual rights are paramount. You have to ask yourself why Trump would fabricate such an obvious lie. He’s not worried because he has such gullible followers who swallow these blatant falsehoods. I mean, look at his utterly absurd, preposterous lies about “Migrants Eating Dogs.”
Although, that might explain the “mystery meat” we used to find in school cafeterias during lunch. With the influx of migrant children into our local schools, maybe that mystery meat is no longer mysterious. Remember Trump’s words during the debate: “They are eating dogs!” Maybe they’re eating dogs, cats, and, as an amazing coincidence, I don’t see any squirrels around the school trees anymore. There used to be plenty of them, but now, I hardly see any. Go figure.
We should all call our senators, just like the residents of Springfield, Ohio, called their senator, J.D. Vance—so he says—to report the “Dog Eating Migrants” story. Why should that city get so much attention when we have the same issue here? Why isn’t someone here posting such a claim on Facebook, getting it amplified by the Republican Party, and endorsed by our past, present, and future president, Trump? Why aren’t our lunatic influencers and grifters trying to cash in on this fringe idea?
Many say that Trump and Vance are telling this “truth” about migrants eating pets as a dog whistle (no pun intended) to their base. Some argue that this political messaging is racist, meant to rile up white supremacists against these migrants, and, by extension, against Kamala Harris. But I disagree. We all know that Trump is not racist. He has told us that many times. He doesn’t have a racist bone in his body. He did have racist bone spurs once, but that was a long time ago.
Politicians have used similar stories about migrants throughout history. It used to be Asians accused of eating dogs and cats. Now it’s the Haitians. Trump is using the same fear-mongering, but this time targeting migrants of color. It’s sheer coincidence (or is it?) that his opponent happens to be a woman of color, and he’s deliberately using this falsehood to achieve the same results as his predecessors.
I think Trump and Vance got the idea when Robert Kennedy Jr. joined their team. We all know that man loves to eat dogs and bears. They must have discussed his culinary tastes and decided to apply it to the migrants.
