Susan Beckett | The Dwelling Place City Church
I’m just about positive most of you have heard of the Hatfield-McCoy feud! The conflict began way back in the 1800’s and lasted on and off for nearly 30 years, with 13 family members being killed along the way. It’s long been said that the feud started when Randolph McCoy accused Floyd Hatfield of stealing one of his hogs, but reading through the various accounts, it’s really a complicated story of politics, romance, and hard times.
The conflict is said to have been the primary inspiration for the popular game show “Family Feud,” which aired in 1976. In 1979, members of both families appeared on the show during a special Hatfield & McCoy theme week – included in the prize package was a hog! One for the books I guess! But that said, somewhere along the line, back when, a wrong was committed and a lack of forgiveness prevailed.
How many of you have ever had your feelings hurt? How many of you are breathing? Of course, we have all had the experience of receiving an inside wound. I recently had someone say something unkind to me – Ughhhh! Don’t you just hate it when that happens?! I do.
So, I pondered and thought and debated with myself – what to do with “it”- the hurt. Then I remembered a little verse hidden away in Proverbs 19:11. It’s this: “A person with discretion is not easily angered; his glory is to overlook an offense.” It’s called taking the high ground. Another translation reads: “Smart people know how to hold their tongue; their grandeur is to forgive and forget.” So easy to read – so hard to do!
As human beings living in a very broken world, we find it pretty easy to hold grudges, but we are not that quick on the draw to forgive when we’re wronged. We would rather put our offenders in “thought jail” and lose the key. But actually, forgiveness is one of the most needed issues in our world today. Think about it: nations are at war with nations – neighbors are feuding with neighbors – spouses fighting one another – families having upheavals with children – strife, unrest and lack of forgiveness are just about everywhere!
Comedian Buddy Hackett once quipped, “I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.” He’s probably more right than wrong on that. Listen – we all make mistakes. We all say the wrong thing at times or stick our foot in our mouth. It’s called being human. But how often do we expect others to forgive us, yet we struggle to forgive them for the very same thing?!
Someone once said, “Burying the hatchet only brings peace when it’s not buried in somebody’s head.” I have always valued 1 Peter 4:8 on this topic: “Love covers a multitude of sins.” Is that great or what?! Love doesn’t just cover one boneheaded sin – it covers a multitude of boneheaded sins! That’ll preach!!
There’s a funny story about a man who was telling his friend about a recent argument he’d had with his wife. “Man oh man,” he said, “How I hate it – every time we have an argument, she gets all historical.” His friend replied, “You mean hysterical.” “No,” he insisted. “I mean historical. Every time we argue, she drags up everything from the past and holds it against me!”
I’m not saying hurts aren’t real, or that time may not be needed for water to pass under the bridge, and I’m sure not excusing bad behavior! But sometimes, we just need to dig a big ol’ hole and bury that hatchet for good.
Back in 1881, James Garfield was elected president of the United States, but after only being in office for six months, he was shot in the back. At the hospital, his doctor probed the wound with his finger to dig out the bullet. He couldn’t find it, so he tried a silver-tipped probe. He still couldn’t locate the bullet. They took Garfield back to Washington, D.C. where they tried to keep him comfortable despite the awful summer heat. Teams of doctors tried unsuccessfully to track down the bullet, probing the wound over and over. The president finally died — not from the wound but from infection. The repeated probing, which the physicians thought would help, eventually killed him.
Someone once said that there’s no point in burying a hatchet if you’re going to put up a marker on the site. So true. Just have the burial and move on. I will end with this stellar quote: “I don’t forgive people because I’m weak. I forgive them because I’m strong enough to know people make mistakes.”
Bob and Susan Beckett pastor The Dwelling Place City Church at 27100 Girard Street in Hemet, CA. For more information, you may contact them at DPCitychurch.org.
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