To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate


“Have you been vaccinated yet? Have you?”

I must have heard that stupid question about a million times. From my family, my friends, my customers, even from my employees for God’s sake! I almost fired a couple of them for making it sound like I was doing something wrong by not getting my vaccine shots. My favorite part of the ritual was when a hand that was being extended towards me for a handshake, was then abruptly pulled back when I said, “No, I have not been vaccinated and I don’t intend to get any vaccination, come hell or high water.” As if I had suddenly contracted leprosy.

When I told my well-educated nephew that I did not need any vaccination, because I was naturally vaccinated by COVID itself, that I have natural antibodies after I suffered from it for a couple of weeks in early March, when I was quarantined and subsequently cleared by the county. You want to know what that smarty pants said. He said, “It doesn’t work that way!”

I called his father immediately and asked him to sue the university where he allegedly received his degree from, because the education that my nephew seemed to have received is an insult. I mean, the whole idea behind vaccinations is to expose the body to a partially denatured antigen, or rather germ, which would then induce an immune response by producing antibodies to fight the disease if ever exposed to it in the future. I was exposed to COVID, my system produced antibodies to fight it and got rid of it. Case closed! Why would I then need to be vaccinated by a fake virus, when I had already fought—AND WON—against the real thing.

No matter, I finally relented, and decided to shut everyone up by getting my vaccination shots.

After the nurse finished injecting me with the first shot in the parking lot of a local pharmacy, and dabbed me with the rubbing alcohol, I swear to you, I heard the Microsoft Windows startup sound. There were no computers around, so I couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from, but I did hear it, as clearly as my own restricted breathing. My mind started to go through a turmoil, which I assumed was due to having received an mRNA dose, which was now busy translating, transcribing, and maybe even mutating the DNA in my body.

After about 30 or so minutes, on my drive back, I started seeing images of cute animal babies in my head. The images started to change every minute, as if a screensaver was playing, and it suddenly came to me; I had seen those same images when I recently bought a new laptop and activated my Windows 10 license. I shook my head to clear it and suddenly a login screen opened up.

Now, I am not a fan of conspiracy theories, but what was happening to me, seemed a little too close to what one of my friends had been saying ever since Trump left the office. When I came home, I opened the very same laptop to go onto the internet to find more details. I didn’t even type anything on the laptop and things started showing up. I don’t know if they were being displayed on the laptop or were just in my mind, but I was scrolling through stuff after stuff. Ads were popping up about things that I never even knew existed. I was pairing with my laptop, with my printer, with my cell phone, with my TV, and to my surprise, even with my car.

Horror of horrors, when my wife received her microchip—err…I mean vaccine—I started to pair with her. Soon, she was seeing what I was seeing; she was scrolling through stuff that I was scrolling through; and she was mirroring my visuals onto her visuals. I had to scream disengage, disengage over and over, until I finally disabled the pairing function. I had to call tech support in Wuhan to find a workaround. As it turns out, Bill himself had gone through something similar, as his marital problems seem to indicate, and they showed me how to replace my browsing history with a default one, where all my wife would see are the memes showing how much I love her and how I can’t live without her and how she means everything to me. 🙂

c Now I know why we need the second shot of these vaccinations. Bill Gates uses the second shot to inject us with accessories. You know how LG television sets come with a remote that you wave in the air to move the cursor around on the screen. I think, the second vaccine injects us with a second microchip which travels probably to our right or left hand, depending on which one is the dominant one, and then allows us to better input information into the first microchip.

Technology is superior to anything that I have ever seen. I did wonder how these microchips draw their power, but it didn’t take me long to figure that out. First of all, our brains and our nerves work with electrical impulses, as we all know very well. Yes, the biologists will tell you that those signals are chemical signals, but you and I know better. They are electrical, and the first microchip can tap into that treasure trove of power. Also, we know that cell phones use wireless chargers. Well, the same chargers can provide power to these microchips. What about cell phones charging other cell phones?! Well, cell phones are usually in our pockets or on our hips; so very close that these microchips can draw power directly from them. That’s why when I leave my home with a fully charged phone, it gets depleted by the time I get to work, which is only five minutes away. Coincidence, well, I think not!

As I said, the technology is very advanced. Although, there is one flaw that the brilliant Gates didn’t think about. I guess you can’t be good at everything! There are times when during an update, sometimes our computers hang, and we have to do a hard reset to get them going again. There is no way to do a hard reset on these microchips that are being injected into our bodies. I can only think of one way to do that. We’ll have to find a proctologist with very long fingers—but it is doable! I am sure of that.

Muhammad Naeem • Columnist

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